Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Baby Wall #3

So on March 30th in the afternoon was our first ultrasound (12 weeks) I had been very nervous, scared, excited, and really tried to be calm and have faith that no matter what the outcome God is there for us. We get to the ultrasound room and the tech started the ultrasound, she was looking around for awhile but I had already seen. I seen that the neural tube had not closed and there was a puffyness around the baby's head which is part of the brain. I desperately tried to convince myself that maybe I didn't know what I was seeing and that the baby was fine. Deep down I knew that I was seeing the brain. (also we have been to at least 8 ultrasounds with the last 2 babies so I kinda new what I was looking for and at already). Hank then asked the tech if the baby was healthy, before she responded I looked at Hank and shook my head, and she then said no I am sorry this baby has Meckel Gruber. I couldn't believe my ears even though I already knew, why are asked to give up another baby, how am I going to handle and get through this again? She was so kind and just rubbed my arm as I broke down on the bed. They got the Dr in as well to confirm and take another look and he also said that he could see the kidneys already ( which you never should be able to at 12 weeks) so that was another sign that it is again MG. After that we just wanted to go home so we didn't speak to the geneticist or anything at this visit.

At our second ultrasound at 16.5 weeks we saw that the kidneys are huge!( from cysts) and from what I can tell will be bigger than Noah's. we saw the extra finger on each hand and the extra toe on each foot ( the third and final marker of Meckel Gruber) We found out that we are having another boy! and his name is Quinton Oliver. It is so hard to see our baby with such a big belly and the brain that is partway outside his scull. I know I shouldn't feel this way since there isn't anything that we can do to change the outcome since it is genetic, but I feel like a horrible mother that I cant have all healthy kids.

at 17 weeks I started to feel him kick and he is a strong one!! With Noah I felt it at 21 weeks and with Zander at 19 weeks. I was startled to find out that you could feel it so soon! He moves soooo much almost constant and I love feeling it especially since it is one of the few things I get bond with and to keep in my memory. We are doing ok, and are so thankful to everyone who brought us suppers and for their prayers they DO help!! I felt like I hadn't morned this baby at all yet and was almost feeling bad cause it was like I was just trying to forget about it and pretend it wasn't happening which was easier when I couldn't feel him move. but just this last week has been horrible for me i find myself crying sometimes for and hour straight trying to stop but not able to. and this went on for the whole week, I guess it needed to come out and it was probably good for me to cry. So please keep us in your prayers as we have to go through this all again! Our next ultrasound is June 8th and we are looking forward to seeing him again since we get about 40 min of just watching him on the screen every time and its amazing and special!

On a cute note if I ask Zander where Mommy's baby is he pats my belly, hugs and kisses it and it warms my heart every time:)


Pete, Alison and Charlie said...

Hi Jolene.
Your mom let me know about your baby's MGS diagnosis, and I haven't been able to stop thinking about you and Hank since.
I've been checking your blog all the time, wondering how you were getting on, so it's good to hear that you are doing ok, under such difficult circumstances.
Meckel-Gruber Syndrome is such a hard road to walk the first time round, it seems almost unbearably cruel that you have to go on this journey yet again.
I just wanted to let you know that you and Hank, and your whole family are continually in my thoughts and prayers, and those of my family. The bond with other MGS families is so strong - we all know that it could just as easily be us preparing to say goodbye to another precious little one.
If you would like to chat, you can get hold of me through Will's blog, or by email from the link on Charlie's blog.
With love and prayers, Alison (Turner) xxx

Daughter of The KING said...

Hi Hank & Jolene
So sorry you are called to go through this time of sorrow again. Know that you are in my prayers.
I would like to share a few scripture verses with you to encourage you.
“Do not fear, for I am with you; do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand” (Isaiah 41:10).

Isaiah 43:2 says: “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they will not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched, nor will the flame burn you. Even when you walk through fire, and when the waters overwhelm you, I am there.”

Love in Christ
~Betty Loewen

Verna said...

I LOVE you and Hank and all your
boys so very much. I know that as Quinton grows the reality will too and it will be very hard. I am trying to focus on seeing the little guy and getting to know him for however long the LORD sees fit. Zander will be an awesome big brother!

Crystal Rachul said...

I pray that God gives you comfort. This just makes me so sad!!!