Monday, November 10, 2008

Something i saw online. (Letter from baby)

Dear Mom and Dad,
I wish that I could have said "good bye". It sometimes seems unfair that I was never able to say "hello". I'm OK now; everything is better. I miss you and always will, but I believe we will be together again, in time for all time. Right now, though, that seems likely an eternity. In time it will be for an eternity. Please, remember me, use my name, tell my family and your friends about me. Never forget me or pretend I didn't exist. Thanks for all you done for me. Mom, thanks for putting up with all of the changes in your body; thanks for everything you shared with me. Thanks for talking to me; I know your hopes and dreams for me. Thanks for the songs you sang, and for those gentle pats you gave me while I was floating inside you. You may not realize it, but the rhythmic contracting helped me rest peacefully and reassured me. As I grew I could feel your heart beating better and better, and it gave me such a wonderful sense of comfort. Thanks for tears you shed for me. I know you did everything you could for me and I am fortunate to have you for my Mother. I am sorry for the sadness and sorrow you have suffered. Dad, thanks for being there for Mom and me, it must have been so hard for you, trying to be so strong and brave for Mom, when you were confused, upset and afraid yourself. I will miss growing up with you, wrestling, being tossed in the air, just sitting on your lap learning how to use the TV remote control. Please don't ever forget about me. I will never forget about you. If there is something that I have learned, is that you will not find the answer to the 'why' of all of this, not now anyway. God did not make this happen, but He will help you live, love and laugh again. Sometimes that can seem very difficult when you hurt and want so badly answers. I want you to live today; be happy. Bring laughter back into the house. Dare to dream again. You know so much better than many that life is often so short and unpredictable. Tomorrow is never guaranteed. I would rather this be all a very bad nightmare, but I can't do nothing to change that now. However, you can make something good out of my death if you use it for an opportunity to love each other a little bit more, and reach out. There are so many hurting people out there who need a hand, or a hug or a 'hello' or just someone to listen. Don't be afraid to admit that you may be one of them. Be gentle with each other. On a clear, still night, look for me out there in the peace and quiet. Look up, not by the Big Dipper or the Milky Way, but over there in the corner of the sky. See that small, twinkling you never noticed before? One more thing before I go, thanks a lot for everything you did for me. Thanks for caring and sharing. Thanks for trying and crying. I love you lots. And Mom and Dad, "good bye", "good bye for just a little longer."
Love you

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Getting Closer

It has been a very busy month for Hank and I! We went to Thief River Falls over Thanksgiving weekend, we stayed at a place called 7 Clans Casino. It was a lot of fun other than the fact that i could not go down the water slides!! After Thanksgiving I also started working for Hank at his shop every mon-fri 10-6 That has been something to get used to! and I find myself tired all the time! The next weekend we left for Alberta at 4 in the morning friday and drove straight through to Lethbridge which is i think 13-14 hours. From the minute we got there we were busy till the min we left! The ride home we also drove straight through. I have really noticed how much that took out of me in the last 2 weeks! I was very thankful that i did not have any problems or go into labor early on either of the trips so our prayers were answered!!!

I have had a few appointments since i last posted one of them was with a new Dr. since mine is on vacation for a month. She was so good to us she had us in her office for 1 hour while she explained everything about going into labour and what to expect. Usually my appointments were only in and out. The next specialist appointment we had was a week after this one and we once again for the 5th time got to see Noah! They found out at this Ultrasound that he is now bum breech were as before he was feet first. They found some amnio fluid this time! not lots but it is better than none! His Tummy is still big they are saying that at 35 weeks his kidneys are the size of a full term baby. They also told me that they Had heard from my New Dr already! He was saying that there was finally some communication going on! They Had said that they will not induce me untill 1.5 weeks after my due date unless there are complications. so that means i have another 4-5 weeks to go if i make it full term!

I can't believe that i am almost 36 weeks already I guess for most couples time starts passing really slowly at this point because they are waiting for their healthy baby. But for us the time is passing much to quickly we are not ready for all the things that will go on after he is born, we are not ready and never will be ready to let him go...... I am starting to get so nervous, scared, sad, almost every emotion there is i think we are feeling at this point. It is starting to get really hard to see pregnant women and new babies and i see them all the time!! But with all the friends and there support and prayer support i know that we will make it through this storm! Thanks to everyone who has been Praying for us it is so much appreciated!!